I will never ever forget the moment in the hospital when Sellers was officially in our custody.
We haven't shared much of Sellers' birth story, mainly because it's deeply personal and the intimacy of those days feel best reserved for our little family. Also because it was the most insane paradox of deep beauty and excruciating pain. That's adoption in a nutshell. That's the gospel in a nutshell, really.
The initial papers had been signed and I was laying in bed, foggy from 36hours of no sleep- trying to be as present and aware of each moment as possible. The task felt impossible. Herschel and I were juggling diaper and cuddling duty, and it was his turn. I closed my eyes to get a little sleep before it was my turn again, and I heard Herschel whispering to our little 6lb babe in the corner. He let out a monologue that was so intense, so haunting, so beautiful that I could hardly breathe. I whipped out my phone to type it as he went- I didn't want to forget a word. Somewhere in the middle of his prayer, he said - swaying side to side with his eyes sweetly surveying Sells- ".. you're going to fall in love with so many things in this big world. Mexican food. Cardinals Baseball. Netflix. But most of all, Jesus. You just left His house, I think. You probably remember him. You'll forget about Him for a little while as you grow up and then you'll start to learn about Him again. You'll start to see Jesus everywhere. And one day you'll have a child, and you'll see Him as bright and as real as ever..."
There we were, holding this beautiful little gift- so happy, scared, so out of our depth. He was technically not "ours" yet, and we were trying to stay alive within the tension of both caution and deep hope. The words from Herschel's mouth felt so raw, so holy. And they were SO TRUE.
His last line was so prophetic for what had only begun to happen in my own heart.
"And one day you'll have a child, and you'll see Him as bright and as real as ever..."
Sellers has given us new joy, new hope, new eyes to see the world. He has redeemed so many lost and lonely days, given us a sense of belonging, and provided us a chance at the most beautiful, big life. His birth family has widened our capacity for love, and have helped close the gap on our stereotypes and judgement. They have taught us about sacrifice, humility, and the most radical kind of courage. Sellers has given us new passion and purpose, placing new burden on our heart for forgiveness and reconciliation for all of God's people. I honestly didn't know how much stretching my heart needed until Sellers and parenthood forced me to confront the difficult, dark, uncomfortable parts of my story.
He is our living, breathing reminder that the One who promises is faithful and because of his little life, we see Him as bright and as real as we ever have before.
And we REALLY, REALLY believe there is more to see. God is not done growing our story, our family.
SO, HOLY MOSES.. HERE WE GO AGAIN!
For those that have loved us to and through this journey so far, our gratitude simply goes on and on. There will never be enough words. I hope Sellers life has pointed you, too, towards a fresh hope and a deeper understanding of God's overwhelming goodness.
Praying that you'll join us on our next adventure, that you'll go with us as we are stretched and shaped and pushed to see God as bright and real as ever.
- Lee + Hersch + Sells